Listing your “important” and “non-negotiable” items in order of importance will help you get the most important ones out of the way early. Pick the two most important traits and two of the less important ones and create inquisitive questions around them.

It’s important to be curious, not confrontational. If you ask inquisitive questions with your traits in mind, you’ll get your answer pretty easily. Remember this is a person you don’t know very well, so asking the “I’m curious to get to know more about you” questions is normal and expected.

Here’s an example. Let’s say one important trait is that you like some alone time while in a committed relationship (and your list specifies how much time you need per week/month). So, in the course of conversation when you’re asking about his career (what does he do, how did he choose that career, what does he like about it) you could ask if he ever works evenings or weekends. Or if he travels for business, how much is he gone. Or you could ask him what he does in his spare time (poker with the guys, yearly fishing trip, can’t miss football home games.) His answers should help you determine if your valuable alone time will happen naturally.

If you have a specific “important” and/or “non-negotiable” trait in mind and would like advice on how to craft your “curious” questions, please write again.

Happy Dating,

Christine – Online Dating Expert