In my last three posts, I’ve been talking about ways to make New Year’s resolutions “stick”. Today, I’d like to talk about items 4 and 5 on this list.
4. Be accountable to yourself and at least one other person.
5. Be your own cheerleader, and have at least one other cheerleader.
There can be lots of uncertainty, pressure, and anxiety with online dating, so it’s definitely not a time to “go solo”.
Tell someone – family or friend or coach or minister – about your goal so it feels like a real promise. Then, once you’ve set a date to complete your first task, let your confident know. When resistance comes up, share it with them.
When it feels too difficult to do the next thing on your list (you aren’t in the mood or had a bad day at work or someone cut you off in traffic), call your confident for an extra booster-shot. The odds of them having a bad day on the same day is slim, so they’ll be able to give you the encouragement you need. The more successes you experience, the fewer bad days you’ll have.
Be your own cheerleader. Reward yourself for each accomplishment. Prepare ahead of time a list of at least 10 things that feel like rewards to you. For example – taking a bubble bath, reading a trashy magazine, watching a special TV show, swimming, walking, playing with your pet, calling a friend for a chat, getting a manicure/pedicure – you get the idea. Then you’ll have it at the ready when you finish a task (or need encouragement to finish.)
Pressure and anxiety may come as you’re creating your lists and picking your activities. To ease this, consider each decision you make as an individual one because one decision at a time feels less difficult than making many at once. Some helpful ways to think are:
- I’m deciding to do something that will bring me happiness when I’m doing it.
- I’m going to try one new thing at a time.
- Even if I end up not liking it, it’s only a couple of hours out of my life and I‘ll still be learning something.
- This activity is bringing me closer to my goal of doing things I like with someone I enjoy doing it with.
Skimping on any of the above makes it harder to reach your goal because it can start to feel overwhelming and this often causes us to stop everything. Completing each step one-at-a-time builds a firm foundation for the next step.
Dating and Relationship Expert
Goal Setting + Purposeful Dating = Satisfying Relationships