A U-Haul truck worth of baggage vs. the overhead bin

I frequently hear, “I don’t want to date anyone who has baggage.” This could include emotional, children, financial, physical, and/or spiritual. I understand the sentiment behind this request. I just have to say, “That’s impossible.”

For this post I’m going to talk about “emotional baggage.”

“Scary dangerous” vs. “scary nervous”

It can be hard and scary to get “out there” and meet people. It’s important to keep yourself safe. And to do this, it’s crucial to know the difference between “scary dangerous” and “scary nervous”.

Scary dangerous.

If your “intuition” says don’t go then please listen and don’t go. If you intuition is not ringing alarm bells, then to ensure you’ll be safe:

• Join an activity that has at least 10 people who have RSVP’d.
• Go to something that takes place during the daytime.
• Ask a friend to go with you.
• Bring your charged cell phone.
• Drive your own car.

Have a few questions prepared

I’ve mentioned in previous blogs that it’s a good idea to have a few questions prepared to ask when you begin communicating with potential dates. Use these questions during initial emails, phone calls, and dates. Being prepared helps you:

• Get to know him/her better.
• Feel confident that you won’t get “stuck” for something to talk about.
• Feel more relaxed during communications.

To get you started, I’ve listed a few questions I use with clients (and also used when I was dating).

Is there a benefit to joining more than one Online Dating site?

Yes. I think it’s better to be on more than one site because each site can attract different types of people.

Another benefit is that you may learn more about yourself as you read about and talk to a wider selection of personalities – and this could better help you know what it is you “want.”

A few more words on updating your profile

My last blog entry talked about the “interests” section of your profile.

I’d like to detail this a bit more because – much of the time – I find people make their lists full of “physical” attributes and light on “mental, emotional, and spiritual” attributes.

Being physically attracted to the person you’re dating is important. However, it needs to be complemented by the other attributes.

So, revisit your list (or start one today) and be sure to include all the important areas of a well rounded person. And make sure each attribute is clearly defined. Here are some examples.

Update your profile to increase the number of people writing to you

So how many emails are you receiving? Hopefully at least two to three a week? If not, maybe it’s time to review your profile.

For example, you could revisit the section of your profile that talks about your interests:

• Do you have a variety of interests listed? 
• Do these interests reflect who you are as a person? 
• Are they both inside and outside activities (theater, reading, waterskiing, biking)?

You could also review the section where you talk about the requirements of the person and relationship you’re looking for. Are they realistic? Are they clear?

First steps in online dating

I’ve been running into women who have misgivings about using online dating, so let’s talk a little about good “first steps” in online dating.

I’m guessing you’ve already decided to take the plunge (or you probably wouldn’t have found this blog) – so congratulations!

One of the best ways to make sure you’ll have an enjoyable experience is to trust your instincts. You may find yourself saying, “Instincts, what instincts? I don’t think I have any instincts in this area of my life.”

Perhaps you’re in touch with instincts in other areas of your life, but are thinking you need a little guidance in the dating area?