Update your profile to increase the number of people writing to you

So how many emails are you receiving? Hopefully at least two to three a week? If not, maybe it’s time to review your profile.

For example, you could revisit the section of your profile that talks about your interests:

  • Do you have a variety of interests listed? 
  • Do these interests reflect who you are as a person? 
  • Are they both inside and outside activities (theater, reading, waterskiing, biking)?

You could also review the section where you talk about the requirements of the person and relationship you’re looking for. Are they realistic? Are they clear?

One of the best ways to set your profile apart from others is to write in a “conversational voice” – just as if you are talking to the person reading it. This way it won’t look like you’re just making a list.

For example, instead of saying, “I like to ski, hike, go out to dinner, and read” (this is the “list” version), you could create a story (the “conversational” version). 

Here are some examples of stories:

(1) I’m an outdoors kind of gal. I love skiing Mammoth (depending on the mountain, I am a mid-level to expert skier) and look forward to a hot toddy with my special guy afterward in the lodge. Spending an afternoon hiking and picnicking helps me decompress after a long week. However, one thing you should know about me – my comfort in the outdoors is definitely during the daytime. In the evening I like to stay in a hotel with unlimited hot water and breakfast in bed.

(2) I love to cook (Italian food is my specialty) and bake (I’ve been told my cinnamon rolls are divine). If you keep me company while I cook it makes me smile. Offering to do the dishes makes me smile even bigger. And offering to cook (or bring take-out) for me – oh my, well I’ll just have to tell you more about that when I know you better.

(3) Giving back as a volunteer is a high priority in my life. I spent part of last summer building houses in Mexico. I learned how to use a nail gun and hang a door. And visiting the local villages to buy their handmade jewelry and pottery created memories that will last forever.

When you use “conversational voice,” you end up looking more interesting. And when you look more interesting, you’re more likely to attract someone who is also interesting.

Next week I’ll talk about using a conversational voice to talk about the man you want to date.

Continued happy dating,

~ Christine
Dating and Relationship Expert

Goal Setting + Purposeful Dating = Satisfying Relationships

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2 Responses to “Update your profile to increase the number of people writing to you”

  1. Jane Garee Says:

    Hi Christine – love your stuff. It’s also such useful info. I was wondering if you could help me with something: what is the best way to find out all the important and “non-negotiables” fairly early on without making some poor guy feel like he is in a never-ending interview? Thanks!

    • Christine Says:

      Great question Jane! And I compliment you for considering how the guy might feel during all this.

      Listing your “important” and “non-negotiable” items in order of importance will help you get the most important ones out of the way early. Pick the two most important traits and two of the less important ones and create inquisitive questions around them.

      It’s important to be curious, not confrontational. If you ask inquisitive questions with your traits in mind, you’ll get your answer pretty easily. Remember this is a person you don’t know very well, so asking the “I’m curious to get to know more about you” questions is normal and expected.

      Here’s an example. Let’s say one important trait is that you like some alone time while in a committed relationship (and your list specifies how much time you need per week/month). So, in the course of conversation when you’re asking about his career (what does he do, how did he choose that career, what does he like about it) you could ask if he ever works evenings or weekends. Or if he travels for business, how much is he gone. Or you could ask him what he does in his spare time (poker with the guys, yearly fishing trip, can’t miss football home games.) His answers should help you determine if your valuable alone time will happen naturally.

      If you have a specific “important” and/or “non-negotiable” trait in mind and would like advice on how to craft your “curious” questions, please write again.

      Happy Dating,

      Christine – Online Dating Expert

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