Different dictionaries for men and women

Many coaching clients tell me what a surprise it is for them to discover that men and women have different “dictionaries” inside themselves.

Imagine the miscommunication that can occur – right from the beginning – if you haven’t discussed each other’s “definitions.”

A different “definition” that came up when my husband and I began dating was around finances.

My online dating profile had indicated the following:

  • I had been single for a long time and owned my own business.
  • Therefore, a man who became a permanent part of my life wouldn’t need to support me.
  • I also explained that feeling financially safe was mandatory for me to feel relaxed and able to make a commitment.
  • Therefore, a man who also had his own saving account and retirement fund would definitely be a match for me.

With Tony (my husband), I got even more then I knew to ask for.

On our third date I was telling him how I’d been working on “banking” stuff that day. Tony asked me, “How often do you look at your bank account online?”

I proudly said, “Once a month when I balance my checkbook.” Which personally I thought was a perfect amount of time because I know lots of people (and have dated them) who check about every three months.

Tony looked horrified. So, I asked him, “How often do you look at your bank account online?”

He told me, “Every day.” And it was my turn to look horrified. I thought to myself, well that seems a little obsessive and paranoid and I wondered if this was going to be a “red flag.”

After a few more dates I learned that accounting and numbers come very easy for Tony and that checking all his accounts daily was relaxing to him (definitely not the way I feel about checking my bank accounts).

And then I started thinking about the benefits his “everyday” checking could have for me. My identity would never be stolen. No bank error would go unnoticed for more than a few hours. No unauthorized charges would be made without his knowledge.

So, after quite a few conversations to sort out the different ways we think about money, we’ve worked out a comfortable way for each of us to use our strengths.

Continued happy dating,

~ Christine
Dating and Relationship Expert

Goal Setting + Purposeful Dating = Satisfying Relationships

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