SEX: Sensible Execution of the Extras

This week’s subject is about SEX – Sensible Execution of the Extras. Holding hands, hugs, first kiss, etc.

Every “first” needs to be treated as very special. There can only be one first and even though we know (or at least hope) that each successive time will be even better, it’s memorable to make each first special. (Now I know this probably isn’t your all time “first.” However, it is your “first” with this new person.)

When you initially meet your date in person, a handshake is appropriate. If you want to hug them go ahead but you could also save that for the goodbye. Then you’ll have the second date to look forward to hugging hello. 

I think a hug tells you a lot about a person. Do they hold you close but not too close? Do they approach you but let you give the “go ahead?” Do you feel “good” in their arms? Do they release you when you’re ready?

When walking, does he hold your hand? Soft enough, firm enough, how does it feel? Hopefully comfortable.

Then you can wait for the next date to see if there will be a first kiss. You can certainly indicate your interest and willingness by touching them during the date. A gesture where you touch their arm during conversation or take their arm when walking to and from the car tells them you’re comfortable being physical. Another gesture is to pick lint off their jacket or a gentle touch on their face. I also think a kiss can tell you a lot about them. Are they tender and gentle initially taking time to get to know you? Do they respect your boundaries? Are they a confident and good kisser? I’d love to hear your thoughts about this subject.

Till next week, happy dating,

~ Christine
Dating and Relationship Expert

Goal Setting + Purposeful Dating = Satisfying Relationships

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4 Responses to “SEX: Sensible Execution of the Extras”

  1. Debbie Says:

    Dear Christine,

    I have a disability that affects when and how I can do activities; however, I still live an independent lifestyle. I would like to get back into the dating world, but I hesitate because I am not sure when to share about my disability, and how it will be received by the guy. Can you offer me some suggestions in how to successfully jump back into the dating world?

    Thank you,

    Debbie

    • Christine Says:

      Hi Debbie,
      Thanks for such great questions. Let’s start with the second question (how to successfully jump back into the dating world). Then we’ll address your first question (how and when to tell your date about your disability.) The answer to your second question truly lays perfect groundwork for the answer to your first question.
      To have a successful dating experience, with or without a disability, it’s important to be honest about (1) what you want and need from a man and (2) what you have to offer a man. I’ve found it works best to create lists for each of these topics.

      First list: “What I want and need in a man.” Determine what personally “works” for you emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually, and spell it out clearly on this list. Then you’ll know better what to ask for when writing your profile. You’ll also be better equipped to figure out in your initial meeting (either on the phone or in person) if this person is a match to your list.

      Second list: “What I have to offer a man.” Spell out your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual attributes on this list. There is no need to talk about your disability in your profile or initial conversations. However, do take your disability into consideration by including the activities you enjoy and also the activities you don’t (or can’t) do. When I was dating, my personal profile said, “I enjoy outdoor activities including hiking, long walks and boating and then I’m a hotel kind of gal (no camping).” It’s important to be honest and accurate because the “right” person for you will recognize themselves in your words. You’ll be amazed (I was back then and my coaching clients continue to be now) that once your lists are written out conversationally, the “right” men will just start to show up in unexpected ways.

      So now let’s talk about your first question – when to share about your disability. Let’s assume that, up to this point, (1) you haven’t mentioned your disability in your profile or in initial conversations with potential dates and (2) you’ve been honest about what you want and need from a man and what you have to offer.

      Men who think they fit the first list and are interested in your second list will write, call or walk up and talk to you in the lettuce aisle in the grocery store. Your job is for you to decide if they fit your first list and if you want to go out with them. (An important thing to remember at this point – if a man talks to you and then asks you out, be reassured he likes who you have told him you are!)

      Go out with him a couple times and see if he is enough of a match for you to continue dating. At this point you can elaborate on some (not everything all at once) of the things in your profile or from your initial conversation about what you don’t do and why. This information definitely needs to not be a complete surprise to him; it is just more information about what he already knows.

      If he is still the “right” guy (because I’m sure at least one of the emotional things you listed is for a man to be compassionate in his treatment of other people) then he’ll either be okay about what you say or he’ll be kind about not being okay. Finding out how he feels before you get attached is important to your emotional and mental health. If you continue to date him, keep sharing more information a little at a time until he knows everything you need him to know about your disabilities.

      I hope this is helpful. Please keep me posted on your decisions, progress and any additional questions.

      Christine

  2. Debbie Says:

    Thanks Christine; your advice is amazing, and I am excited to start inching back into the dating world.

    • Christine Says:

      You are very welcome Debbie. How wonderful to hear that you are feeling excited to inch back into the dating world. I know with your positive attitude you will attract a man who will appreciate everything about you.

      Happy Dating, Christine

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