The men across the table from me (part 2)

I’d like to talk a little more about last week’s topic: “How come the same terrible/loser/jerk, etc. men keep showing up on the other side of the table from me?”

I have an additional analogy for this question – something that came out of my personal life.

One of my career choices (truly my worst one) was working as a comptroller for a national company. I developed a backache after working there three months. This surprised me – I thought I was quite fit.

Then one day, while closing my desk drawer, I was stopped by something blocking it from shutting. So, instead of doing three things at once (my normal way) I actually had to stop and pay attention to deliberately unblocking the drawer. During this process, I felt a twinge in the same sore part of my back.

Now that this was getting my undivided attention, I realized the problem. There were two heavy books in the drawer, which were requiring me to lift the drawer slightly each time I shut it. I had discovered the source of my back pain! You could’ve lit up the entire office with the light bulb that went off over my head. I took the books out of the drawer and within a few weeks my back stopped hurting.

This was an important lesson for me – by stopping and paying attention to what I was doing and how I was doing it, I was able to discover what wasn’t working for me and then come up with a solution to change it.

I took this analogy a step further – I applied it to “all those men who weren’t right for me” but kept showing up on the “other side of the table.” I stopped to think about what part could be my responsibility (just like lifting the drawer each time) and realized I could make it different (like taking out the books).

I started working on removing my personal blocks and tweaking my profile, and things started to change. The men showing up on the other side of the table started to look different – and “different” in all the good ways I wanted them to be.

I’ve found that paying attention to other areas of my life has also shown me ways I haven’t been doing things in the best way for myself. Learning this has given me the chance (and choice) to change my actions and do something much better for myself.

What I continue to discover for myself (and with my coaching clients) is how normal it is to be unaware of things we repeatedly do/feel/believe that aren’t in our best interest. The trick is to recognize the behavior/pattern and then choose to consciously make a change. You can see how this definitely puts you in the driver’s seat of your dating experiences.

What’s happening in your dating life? Who do you find sitting across the table from you?

~ Christine
Dating and Relationship Expert

Goal Setting + Purposeful Dating = Satisfying Relationships

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One Response to “The men across the table from me (part 2)”

  1. ab Says:

    It reminds me of a recent comment… “You don’t know what you don’t know”. I think it was written by Donald Rumsfeld in his new book.
    We all think we have a handle on ourselves. It is refreshing to hear new ideas. Go Christine!

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