New Year’s resolutions (part 2)

Last week’s post listed six suggestions for making resolutions “stick”. Today I’d like to talk a little more about the first two items:

1. Be convinced the resolution will make your life better.

To figure this out, use  my GPS formula. Determine your starting place by honestly looking at where you are right now. Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Why is this thing in my life?
  2. What steps did I take (consciously or unconsciously) to get here?
  3. What were the benefits for doing this? (They might not initially seem like benefits.)
  4. What don’t I like about it today?

Let’s suppose the resolution is to lose weight. Here are possible answers to the above questions.

  1. I’m overweight because I’d rather eat pizza than salad.
  2. I’ve always been overweight.
  3. I think people should like me as I am. And I’m afraid if I’m thinner I’ll be hurt (physically or emotionally) again.
  4. I don’t have very much energy to do things like go out with friends or go to the gym.

At this point, examine the choices you made in the past. (You may find the reasons for these choices are no longer important today.)

  • After a bad work day, you know a pizza will feel more comforting than a salad. At the end of that frustrating day you want to feel comforted, and the benefit of pizza has been your go-to in the past.
  • You were physically or emotionally abused and you feel protected by your extra weight. With this fear living inside you, your body isn’t likely to want to let go of extra weight.
  • If extra weight continues to sap your energy, you don’t have to risk going out with friends or risk not meeting someone.

To determine your next destination (success with your resolution) write about it.

  • How is it different from where you are now? For example: (1) I like how I look or (2) I have plenty of energy to go out with friends and exercise.
  • What does it look like? For example, I can buy stylish clothes off the rack.
  • How does it make you feel? For example: (1) I’m comfortable dating someone who is physically attractive or (2) I feel confident about how I look.

2. Be convinced the resolution is attainable.

To get to this new destination you’ll need to adopt some new “benefits.”

For example, are there other ways to “feel” comforted after a bad day at work? You can now consciously decide to use a different method. For example: (1) call a friend or (2) decide your boss is truly a jerk and let it go or (3) look for a new job.

With new ways to comfort yourself, you won’t “need” pizza and will have the freedom to choose salad.

Are there ways to feel “emotionally and physically safe?” For example, you could (1) take a self-defense class or (2) talk to a therapist or coach.

By honestly looking at all the reasons, you can then address each concern and create a map to your next destination. You have a great chance of making that resolution stick.

Once you get the hang of this process, you can use it for all your resolutions – finding a new house, switching careers, finding the love of your life, etc.

~ Christine
Dating and Relationship Expert

Goal Setting + Purposeful Dating = Satisfying Relationships

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