Hey, hen house! Let the roosters in!

This week I’d like to feature a guest blogger… Jane Garee. Jane and I are both part of a mentoring group, and recently I’ve been taking her sales strategy course. Jane brought up this story about men, women and relationships last week, and I told her it just had to be shared on my blog. Thanks, Jane!  ~ Christine

I enjoyed a barbecue recently.  The food was great, the company was good, the conversation was incredibly interesting….until it got completely hijacked by Mad Millie and her Coffee Clatch!

What am I talking about?  Well, let me set the scene.  This was a small, intimate group consisting of five women and three men.  Two of the men were married (to two of the women there) and the third man had been married and divorced.  So that left three single women.

Things had been pleasant all afternoon.  We had some thought provoking conversations with good substance… and then relationships came up.  At first I was excited by this because I felt there was an opportunity to learn more about men; how their minds worked, and what they really thought about certain things.  One of the women had recently dissolved a long term relationship and the question on the table was, why would a man behave like that and what was his reasoning?  Since the burning desire on every woman’s mind there was to uncover the secret language of men, it should be obvious that the women posed thoughtful questions to the men present and then sat back and waited for the wisdom to flow, right?

Nope. The next hour was nothing but a shrill of female voices as the four of them (I sat in stunned silence) proceeded to literally guess what this man had been thinking.  So steeped in their knowledge of men, they literally talked over the actual men in the room who kept trying to voice their opinion.  Considering the men were actually men, I thought they were more qualified to speak to the subject but apparently I was the only one who thought so as the gals waved at them dismissively and told the men to “let them finish”.  Funny at first, it got to be annoying as I realized this is a common and fundamental problem.  Women want to understand men but won’t let them talk. We want to know what they’re thinking but won’t let them express their thoughts. We want to know how and why they process things differently but then tell them their filters and processes are wrong.  And then we complain about the lack of quality men available or how they “done us wrong” in our relationships.  Hey, here’s a novel idea!  How about a little less arm chair psychology ladies, and let’s keep our lips zipped and our minds open, and ask men how they feel, act and view things from their perspective without judging?  We might actually learn something!

At some point, I finally did chime in and say, “You know, the four of you have been guessing why this man broke up with our friend and for the past hour, we’ve had three men trying to jump into the conversation to help shed some light on what he was thinking and they have the man’s point of view.  How about giving our male friends here some floor time?”  As four heads swiveled in my direction, they reluctantly agreed that maybe our three male representatives might have something to say.  The good news is, the men started to share.  The bad news is, the women just argued with them as to why what they were thinking was wrong.  I silently sat in the land of neutrality and just gave up.

As a woman, this is in no way bashing women!  I get what was going on in that conversation and I’ve felt that frustration.  What struck me that day is how often we, as women, continue to rely on advice and insights from our girlfriends because we either aren’t disciplined enough to listen more than we talk (when a man is willing to share his thoughts) or we want to defend our feelings so strongly and our position of “being right” in a relationship, that we are unwilling to hear some tough things from the men in our lives.

There’s a lot of valuable wisdom available if we would just the roosters crow every once in awhile!

Known as the “Sales Strategist for the Non-Sales Person”, Jane teaches business owners and entrepreneurs how to discover, unleash and embrace their inner Sales Rockstar so they can earn the income they deserve and live the life they’ve always dreamed of. She is founder and owner of Lilyflower Entreprises, which includes the brands Write Expressions Inc, Lilyflower Publishing and the widely popular “Rockstar Sales Strategies” courses. Jane helps business owners gain confidence to take their brand and services into the world through sales strategies that don’t feel sales-y or pushy. Her sales training teaches clients how to uncover their strongest business traits, to position themselves for success and to stand out in a crowd so their companies prosper.  To learn more about Jane, visit her at http://www.janegaree.com/strategysession/.


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