Who do you take dating advice from?

April 27, 2012

I seem to have one of those faces that puts people (even strangers) at ease, and because of this I end up in interesting conversations with people at parties, on airplanes, in movie lines, etc.

If my fellow conversationalist is single and finds out I’m a dating and relationship coach, we often have a dialogue similar to the following:

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How well you do you know yourself?

April 20, 2012

I thought I knew myself pretty well until I started dating. Then I was consistently surprised by the new and different things I learned about myself with almost each date.

So, how about you… can you answer each of these with certainty?

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How women release stress

April 13, 2012

Last week I talked about how men release stress, so now I’ll give equal time for the women.

Over the last three weeks I’ve had the pleasure of explaining this to four of my male clients. It’s good information for both men and women to understand.

Once again, let’s symbolize a woman’s stress as a full glass of water (remember, I like visuals). She’s completely filled to the brim with her feelings. And the way most women release this stress is to talk about what’s bothering them.

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Men, women, and competitive sports

April 6, 2012

You’ve probably heard the term “football-baseball-golf widow”, where the “men” are gone for an entire day (or weekend or week) to participate in and/or watch sports.

Some women enjoy the time their partner is gone. These women do something they enjoy doing (or do nothing at all) and often don’t resent this time without him.

Some women don’t like the time their partner spends engaged in sports activities. They feel it takes away from time their partner could be spending with them and/or their family.

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A U-Haul truck worth of baggage vs. the overhead bin

March 30, 2012

I frequently hear, “I don’t want to date anyone who has baggage.” This could include emotional, children, financial, physical, and/or spiritual. I understand the sentiment behind this request. I just have to say, “That’s impossible.”

For this post I’m going to talk about “emotional baggage.”

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New Year’s resolutions (part 5)

March 23, 2012

Last month I presented a list of six ways to make New Year’s resolutions “stick”.  Today, I’d like to talk about item 6 on this list.

But first, let’s recap the initial five:

  1. Be convinced it will make your life better. This involves determining your starting place, examining your past choices, and deciding where you want to be next.
  2. Be convinced it’s attainable. Adopt new benefits.
  3. Break it into very small goals, and clearly state each goal. These small goals define the steps necessary to reach your ultimate goal.
  4. Be accountable to yourself and at least one other person. Having a confidant to call when you need a “booster shot” of confidence will help you over the rough patches.
  5. Be your own cheerleader, and have at least one other cheerleader. Create a list of rewards to give yourself at each step.

Now – for item 6:

6. Be able to adjust your expectations when necessary.

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Is this relationship right for me?

March 15, 2012

I seem to have one of those faces that puts people (even strangers) at ease, and I’m honored by the interesting and personal thoughts people share with me. A topic that has been coming up a lot lately is:

“How do I know when I’m in a relationship that is right for me?”

Here are a few ways to test it:

Do you like the version of you this relationship brings out?

Is this version easy for you to maintain?

Are you no less happy to see your partner walk in the room than you were at the beginning of your relationship?

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Make that list… it works!

March 9, 2012

A few things I’ve been hearing from people lately:

What’s the point of writing out a list of what I want from a date/partner/husband/wife?

How do I know what to ask for?

How do I know I’ll get what I ask for?

The author of Harry Potter has a story that might change your perspective.

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“Scary dangerous” vs. “scary nervous”

March 2, 2012

It can be hard and scary to get “out there” and meet people. It’s important to keep yourself safe. And to do this, it’s crucial to know the difference between “scary dangerous” and “scary nervous”.

Scary dangerous.

If your “intuition” says don’t go then please listen and don’t go. If you intuition is not ringing alarm bells, then to ensure you’ll be safe:

  • Join an activity that has at least 10 people who have RSVP’d.
  • Go to something that takes place during the daytime.
  • Ask a friend to go with you.
  • Bring your charged cell phone.
  • Drive your own car.

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New Year’s resolutions (part 4)

February 24, 2012

In my last three posts, I’ve been talking about ways to make New Year’s resolutions “stick”. Today, I’d like to talk about items 4 and 5 on this list.

4. Be accountable to yourself and at least one other person.

5. Be your own cheerleader, and have at least one other cheerleader.

There can be lots of uncertainty, pressure, and anxiety with online dating, so it’s definitely not a time to “go solo”.

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